I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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