I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
