i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
