You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
