I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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