singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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