16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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