every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
