It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
