we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
