all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
