you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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