I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
