True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
