I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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