i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
