I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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