she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
