Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
