There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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