I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so let's talk penis.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
