Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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