Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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