i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
