i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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