You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
