I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
