He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
