As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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