I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize