Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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