i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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