I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
