You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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