oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
