even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
