let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
