Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize