how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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