You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
