Umm I'm too high to move.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize