I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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