hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
