My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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