Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
