i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
