I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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