we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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