I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
