I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
