I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
