OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
