too bad you live with your parents still
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize