We should be called the Road Head Warriors
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
