I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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