we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
