Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
