Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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