There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
