I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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