I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
