Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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