This show inspires me to have sex in space
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
