FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize