i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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