I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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