everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize