i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
