You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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