You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
