One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
