Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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