Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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