I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
