I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize