Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize