The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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