So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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