are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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