I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
