Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
