Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
