Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
