Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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