Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize