Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
