wrigley field is MILF paradise
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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