I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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