After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
