I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
