just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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