Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
