We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
