all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
