so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
