I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
