SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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