Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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