we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Found the puke drawer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
