Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
