she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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