Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
