Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
