I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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