I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
